(provide 'erbot-jemarch) (defun fs-ams () "OPTIONAL: what" (erbutils-random (list (format "*** Now ignoring %s" nick) (format "%s: RTFM" nick) (format "%s: no, it isnt" nick) (format "roland: ok to apply?") (format "%s: look you need to get a fucking clue!" nick) (format "%s: look you obviously don't have a clue so please shutup." nick) (format "sighs")))) (defun fs-hg (&optional tag) "OPTIONAL: tag to search for on hurd sources" (if (not tag) (format "no tag...? you stupid! i need a tag to search for!") (save-excursion (let ((tag-buffer (find-tag-noselect (symbol-name tag))) (last-buffer nil) (result-string nil)) (setq last-buffer (current-buffer)) (set-buffer tag-buffer) (mark-defun) (search-backward-regexp "^$") (setq result-string (buffer-substring (point) (region-end))) (kill-buffer tag-buffer) (set-buffer last-buffer) result-string)))) (defun fs-ht (&optional tag) "OPTIONAL: tag to search for on hurd sources" (if (not tag) (format "no tag...? pasting entire hurd sources in private buffer... ;)") (save-excursion (let ((tag-buffer (find-tag-noselect (symbol-name tag))) (last-buffer nil) (result-string nil)) (setq last-buffer (current-buffer)) (set-buffer tag-buffer) (setq result-string (format "file %s, line %d" (buffer-file-name tag-buffer) (lines-what (point)))) (kill-buffer tag-buffer) (set-buffer last-buffer) result-string)))) (defun fs-wtf (&optional acronym) "OPTIONAL: acronym" (if (not acronym) (format "wtf WHAT, you moron?") (save-excursion (with-temp-buffer (let ((wtf-process (call-process "wtf" nil t nil (symbol-name acronym)))) (setq result (buffer-substring (point-min) (point-max)))))))) (setq hurdie-haiku-quotes-1 '( "The street-smart seamstress " "The young Russian bride " "The substitute nurse " "The Polish waitress " "The baroness stirs, " "The long-legged blonde " "The dish-water blonde " "The bow-legged midget " "The busty brunette " "The divorcee sighs, " "The arthritic nun " "The loquacious nurse " "The hip-sprung school marm " "The one-eyed baker " "The plumber's third wife " "Traffic stills. The maid " "Clouds form. The pornstar " "The stewardess coughs, " "The Swiss bank teller " "The stripper pauses, " "The erstwhile diva " "The languid bar maid " "The opera singer " "The zoologist " "The Czech spinster " "His virgin great-aunt " "His neighbor's young wife " "The banker's mistress " "The pregnant midwife " "The devious moll " "The shy farmer's wife " "A cornfed she-spy " "The juice bar clerk's wife " "One hillbilly tart " "The one in the skirt " "The kiwi au pair " "The lipstick model " "A lady from Minsk " "The gal with Shooter " "The slatternly nurse " "The B-movie star " "The heart-broken girl " "The star-struck waitress " "The therapist snores, " "The stewardess drools, " "The magnateās mistress " "The steel baronās bride " "The pianistās niece "Ā "The Russian cellist "; "The poetess gulps, " "The Slavic wet nurse " "Filipino Sue " "Susannah stretches, " "The wet nurse sniffles, " "The clarinetist " "The drunk southern belle " "The cheer squad reject " "The home ec teacher " "The receptionist " "The paralegal " "The street-smart fly girl " "The redhead stretches, " "The old-fashioned nun " "The ice cream lady " "The sullen milkmaid " "The vain meter maid " "The fat Dixie Chick " "The shy cartoonist " "The sexy bassist " "The reclusive aunt " "The sly lunch lady " "The Czech go-go girl " "The short cheerleader " "The chain-smoking niece " "The Swiss governess " "The stone-faced matron " "The suave landlady " "Traffic slows. The nun " "Paint dries. The brunette " "The other woman " "The anchorwoman " "The Russian madam " "His ex-fiancee " "The young blushing bride " "The widow-to-be " "The drunken bridesmaid " "The groom's ex-wife sneers, " "The gap-toothed redneck " "The night-shift seamstress ")) (setq hurdie-haiku-quotes-2 '( "removes her prosthetic leg. " "rolls her tongue, trilling rās, lās. " "wakes, deflates the air mattress. " "bathes in warm crocodile tears. " "motions with her silver thumb. " "rouges her razorous cheeks. " "arches her wrist towards the sky. " "removes her golden fake nose. " "stands, coins spilling from her ears. " "removes her prosthetic leg. " "rolls her tongue, trilling rās, lās. " "wakes, deflates the air mattress. " "bathes in warm crocodile tears. " "covers her eyes with sack-cloth. " "blots her dark lipstick, pauses. " "calmly sets fire to her hair. " "hangs her slip on the lanyard. " "greasens the stubborn crank-shaft. " "polishes the good flatware. " "whispers the word āwheelbarrowā. " "fingers her silver tongue-stud. " "dreams of monkeys, gibbons, apes. " "scrubs the tile floor, knees rasping. " "speaks in tongues, eyelids twitching. " "retires to the powder room. " "dips her tongue in peroxide. " "displays her elegant gams. " "exhales a plume of wood-smoke. " "rings the doorbell, rings again. " "rubs her feet, closes her eyes. " "shuffles a stack of scratch cards. " "grins and waves the poking stick. " "leans toward the caged man-child. " "rises, but won't run or blink. " "shouts lies to baldheaded fools. " "really needs to get kneaded. " "quickly dons her happy pants. " "beckons with a pineapple. " "brandishes a hair curler. " "plants the pill beneath the sheets. " "hides the orange behind the stove. " "tucks the gem beneath her tongue. " "eats the lottery ticket. " "fills the sock drawer with mustard. " "steals the swear jar, hops a train. ")) (setq hurdie-haiku-quotes-3 '( "Boom-shacka-lacka. " "Thunderous applause. " "Dogs dance like comets. " "The sky fills with stars. " "Retrograde motion. " "She sells no sea shells. " "No room in the inn. " "Dishes dry in sinks. " "Snow falls in Utah. " "Sirens wail, so close. " "He takes a breath, breathes. " "His heart swells madly. " "His ears fill with blood. " "There is always time. " "All Iāve got is time. " "You know the story. " "The drummer skips town. " "One more cigarette. " "The ocean shivers. " "The dormouse quivers. " "Rain falls on spring leaves. " "Pizza boy blushes. " "The cat fiddles on. " "A new moon blushes. " "Somewhere a dog howls. " "Cats rub themselves mad. " "Soup boils on the stove. " "The stove eye glows red. " "The faucet drips, drips. " "Cars howl on the street. " "A car backfires, roars. " "There is never time. " "The bouilabaisse chills. " "Ganja cornbread bakes. " "People smile and cry. " "Spacious rooms are filled. " "Unseen lackeys stir. " "The burnished door shuts. " "For the last time, why? " "Why didn't you stay? " "Why didn't you leave? " "Where did the time go? " "My tongue betrays me. " "My heart betrays me. " "The night betrays me. " "I miss you. Love, me. " "Iāve got plenty more. " "No, itās not like that. " "Cry uncle for me. " "Take two steps backwards. " "Paper beats rock, fool. " "Hell, maybe. Who knows. " "Hit me one more time. " "My dog has no fleas. " "Is this all there is? " "No more soup for you. " "You buy the next round. " "A round of applause. " "Contestants titter. " "He owns no short-shorts. " "Pat your head thusly. " "Never with these eyes. " "Only with these eyes. " "We've all gone crazy. " "Hank Williams was right. " "It's all circular. " "Everything is wet. " "Boom-shacka-lacka. " "Thunderous applause. " "Dogs dance like comets. " "The sky fills with stars. " "Retrograde motion. " "She sells no sea shells. " "No room in the inn. " "Dishes dry in sinks. " "Snow falls in Utah. " "Sirens wail, so close. " "He takes a breath, breathes. " "His heart swells madly. " "His ears fill with blood. " "There is always time. " "All Iāve got is time. " "You know the story. " "The drummer skips town. " "One more cigarette. " "The ocean shivers. " "The dormouse quivers. " "Rain falls on spring leaves. " "Pizza boy blushes. " "The cat fiddles on. " "A new moon blushes. " "Somewhere a dog howls. " "Cats rub themselves mad. " "Soup boils on the stove. " "The stove eye glows red. " "The faucet drips, drips. " "Cars howl on the street. " "A car backfires, roars. " "There is never time. " "The bouilabaisse chills. " "Ganja cornbread bakes. " "People smile and cry. " "Spacious rooms are filled. " "Unseen lackeys stir. " "The burnished door shuts. " "For the last time, why? " "Why didn't you stay? " "Why didn't you leave? " "Where did the time go? " "My tongue betrays me. " "My heart betrays me. " "The night betrays me. " "I miss you. Love, me. " "Iāve got plenty more. " "No, itās not like that. " "Cry uncle for me. " "Take two steps backwards. " "Paper beats rock, fool. " "Hell, maybe. Who knows. " "Hit me one more time. " "My dog has no fleas. " "Is this all there is? " "No more soup for you. " "You buy the next round. " "A round of applause. " "Contestants titter. " "He owns no short-shorts. " "Pat your head thusly. " "Never with these eyes. " "Only with these eyes. " "We've all gone crazy. " "Hank Williams was right. " "It's all circular. ")) (defun fs-haiku (&rest args) "REST: args" (format "%s\n%s\n%s" (erbutils-random hurdie-haiku-quotes-1) (erbutils-random hurdie-haiku-quotes-2) (erbutils-random hurdie-haiku-quotes-3))) (defun fs-changelog (&optional which number) "OPTIONAL: arg" (if (or (not which) (and (not (string-equal which "hurd")) (not (string-equal which "gnumach")) (not (string-equal which "hurd-l4"))) (if (not number) nil (if (< number 1) t))) (format "%s: you better specify `hurd', `gnumach' or `hurd-l4', and then a line number (optional) ;)" nick) (save-excursion (with-temp-buffer (let ((log-first (point-min))) (insert-file-contents (concat "~/" (symbol-name which) "/ChangeLog")) (goto-char (point-min)) (re-search-forward "^[0-9].+$" (point-max) nil number) (setq log-first (line-beginning-position)) (re-search-forward "^[0-9].+$" (point-max) nil 1) (beginning-of-line) (buffer-substring log-first (point)))))))